"Eat Me"

Sa paraisong sinapupunan nina Adan at Eba
na binalot pa ni Bathala sa gintong papel bago iniabot
Mahigpit ang kapit sa tangkay ng bulaklak na lanta
Nakikisayaw sa ihip ng hangin
nang hindi liparin at maglaho sa kawalan

Ikaw si Thumbelina na sadyang pinagtatangkahan
ng kalikasan
Ikaw si Alice na uminom mula sa bote sa mesa
Mag-isang tinutuklas kung papaano ba nagiging paraiso
ang latang guwang na binalot sa ginto
tanaw lamang mula sa susian ng pintong walang susi

Wala nang kinang

Kaunting tiis, munting dilag
Sa isang linggo
darating ang keyk

Eat Me

Kainin mo
nang muli kang lumaki

Si Nanay Tess

Nanay Tess was born on June 6, 1938 in Bacolod City. She is the second of four siblings. While she has remained single all her life, she rarely feels lonely; rather, she invests her spare time in various activities such as photography, collecting cards and photos, crocheting, gardening, reading the Bible and various other Christian texts, watching televison (usually telenovelas and Maalaala Mo Kaya), and playng Scrabbles.

She is a very pious woman, whose persona has been wholly committed to God. As a retired minister, Nanay Tess enjoys mingling with young adults, usually with women, with whom she converses about the Protestant ministry. In their meetings, Nanay Tess delights in bringing some of her favorite food: hard boiled eggs, arroz valenciana, dilis, squid, adobo, laswa, and her most preferred dessert, Graham icebox cake.

It was in the year 2007 when Nanay Tess was diagnosed with kidney failure, which eventually led to other organ malfunctions. Once, she had fallen victim to a heart attack, and has grown brittle and "very sick" since. Upon learning her condition, she claims to have had mixed reactions, usually that of fear, insecurity, and even anxiety.

In struggling with her condition, Nanay Tess was given a multitude of precautions, which were usually sets of "dont's". She was not allowed to carry heavy materials, nor indulge in strenuous activities that would stress her out. Her hi-fiber and low-fat intake was adjusted up a notch, which completely changed her diet. If there was one thing that Nanay Tess misses doing - something that she used to do then, but cannot do now because of her condition - she claims that it is going to Church every Sunday. She also reminisces cleaning her yard and washing clothes, which she can't even do now since she is mostly kept to rest inside her home.

The three things that make Nanay Tess happiest in her life right now points to three simple hobbies, all of which tie her to her spiritual roots: the first is serving the Lord, followed by reading the Bible, and praying. She is most concerned about herself, and which roles she holds in the world right now. She is also concerned about her sickness, which she claims to bother her terribly these days. Lastly, she is also concerned about money, which is presently on the mind of everyone that she knows and loves.

"Fighting spirits", she claims, is the biggest challenge that she ever had to overcome. Coming from a religious background, she means this to be fighting her demons, or fighting obstacles and temptations. Every time she gets to that point in her life when she feels suffocated by all the bad things, she always returns to her God, and her faith remains powerful.

In answering the question of which thing in her life she is most proud of, she does not refer to any of her achievements; instead, she talks about her friend, Helen of whom she is most proud for taking care of her 24/7, and for showing the most concern over her status from the day she was hospitalized up to the present. She regrets though, that she had not been careful about her health: that she would drink soft drinks even with an empty stomach and that she would not eat on time. She says that if she could go back in time, she would tell her past self to be careful on becoming a workaholic lest she unknowingly abuses her health. And that, if there was one thing to really tell her younger version, who did not go into a lot of romantic ventures, it would be to "love yourself".

When asked how she sees herself five years hence, Nanay Tess does not hope any longer for a life extension. Instead, she feels that, any day now, it would be time. She believes that when that time comes, everything else would "feel great", for she will be "in the Lord's Place". These days, she just winds down by telling herself to take good care of herself by looking after her health through self discipline or self control. Her faith undyingly and passionately burns as each day, she patiently waits for her Lord to escort her to His Kingdom.

---------------------

Isinulat ko ang piyesang ito noong nakaraang semestre para sa isang proyekto sa kursong Psy101. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nakaligtaan ko itong ipaskil dito. Noon, may rason ako, ngunit hindi ko na maalala ngayon. Pakiramdam ko, malaki ang utang na loob ko, at kahit na ipagsigawan ko iyon dito ngayon, hindi pa rin sapat upang mahilom ang papawiring nagkalat ng pighati sa mundong ito.

Sumalangit na si Nanay Tess nitong Pebrero. "Goodnight" ang salitang huli niyang binigkas.

Maraming salamat, Nanay Tess. Walang nang iba pa. Maraming, maraming salamat po. Nasa piling ka na ng iyong Minamahal.

Mga dahilan

CHAMPIONS. (photo not mine)

Dahil maganda ang bunga ng araw.
Dahil maganda ang musikang iyong naririnig.
Dahil maganda ang alon ng tubig kahit na sumablay sa ikahuling pagsubok.
Dahil huling pagkakataon.
At dahil sa pagkakataong ito ay bahagyang sinagot ng mga santo ang iyong mga dasal.
Dahil sa kay haba-haba ng iyong paghihintay ay sa wakas at ramdam mo na rin ang saya.
Dahil lahat ng bagay ay may katapusan.
Dahil kayo ang nagwagi. Kampeon.

At sa wakas ay iyong napagtanto na ang pagsusulat ay para na lamang sa mga nag-iisa. Upang hindi masira ang pagka-puro ng mga salita. Upang mas maintindihan mo ang nais ipahiwatig ng mga titik na sumisisid sa iyong isipan. Sapagkat, ang makapangyarihan para sa iyo ay mababaw para sa iba.

Tara - lumayag at lumangoy patungo sa ating mga pangarap.

Diese otso

Pwede na akong...

magmaneho.

mag-asawa.

uminom.

tumaya sa lotto.

magkaroon ng credit card.

makulong.



mag R-18 sa sine.

kumuha ng sariling matitirahan.

magtrabaho.



bumisita sa mga porn sites.

bumoto.

pumirma sa mga dokumento nang walang parent's consent.



magpakatotoo sa mga website sa tuwing hinihingi nila ang year of birth ko.

magpatattoo.

kumuha ng pasaporte.

Iba kasi kapag kababata!

dumayo sa iba't ibang lupalop ng mundo nang ako lang mag-isa.

gumawa ng mga sariling desisyon.

???



Taas-baba, paikot-ikot, pass/fail, malungkot, pabangon-bangon, matagumpay. Salamat sa walang sawang pakikibahagi.

Panibagong kabanata.

Hum hallelujah.

Isang gabing tayuan Episode 2

Ang pamagat ng entry na ito ay ang literal ng salin sa Filipino ng idyomang "one night stand", na kung uulit-ulitin mong babasahin sa iyong isip ay wala namang sense sapagkat, una sa lahat, hindi naman maaaring isalin ang buong kahulugan ng "one night stand" sa makabuluhang salitang Filipino. At pangalawa, wala namang kinalaman sa one night stand ang blog entry na ito.

Ngunit, bilang pintuho sa unang entry ng blog na ito, na nagkekwento ng unang tapak ko sa kolehiyo, napagtanto kong marapat lang itong bigyan ng Part 2. Kumbaga, epilogue. O, 'di kaya isang Curtain Call upang parangalan ang mahabang daan na tinahak ko sa unang taon ko bilang kolehiyala. At kung bakit "isang gabing tayuan", marahil siguro'y ito ang ipinagpapalagay ko na pakiramdam ng dalawang taong sangkot sa di-inaasahang pagtatalik: sa una'y nakakatakot, magulo, malungkot, at tila mali. Ngunit sa katagalan, ito pala'y masaya, kasabik-sabik, at kung inyong mamarapatin - masarap.

Dumalo ako sa huling pagdiriwang ng kolehiyo para sa school-year na ito. Sa ganitong okasyon napaparangalan ang mga estudyante ng IComm na nagbigay-dangal sa kolehiyo nitong nakaraang taon. At para sa ikatlo kong pagpasok sa Dusit Thani Hotel nang hindi nagche-check-in, balot ako ng isang lace gown (na ayon sa motif) na hindi ko pinili, at nagmistulang kontrabida na madalas matatagpuan sa mga komiks. He he.

Mabuhay tayong mga putagenics!

Dito na kami naluklok sa Table 40. Ito 'yung table ng mga naubusan ng upuan. Katabi namin ang stage kaya kahit isa sa mga OBB/AVP, wala kaming napanood. Pagpasensiyahan nalang ang mga litrato; karamihan sa mga ito ay kinuha lamang gamit ang cell phone, at hindi sa akin.

Sa buffet table, ako ay pinaringgan ng isang grupo ng mga babae na "kanina pa pala nakapila" ngunit hindi ko napansin kaya ako nag-overtake. Apparently, ganoon sila ka-gutom. Wala naman akong problemang paunahin ang mga ito sapagkat hindi naman ako sabik na humakot ng pagkain. Nakakagulat lang na bagamat "First Class" ang tema ng pagdiriwang ay natagpuan ko pa rin ang aking sarili na nagmumuni-muni kung papaano nakapasok ang grupong iyon na tila wala namang ka-class-class. Ha! Ha! Akala ko ay nasira na ang gabi ko, pero mali ako.

photo credits to Letran Media Center Photography

photo credits to Letran Media Center Photography

Nakatanggap ako ng dalawang Knights ('yan ang tawag namin sa trophy!). Ako ang tinaguriang Outstanding Journalism Freshman of the Year - akalain mo 'yun? Naaalala ko tuloy ang nakaraang Marso, noong namamaalam na sa aming pangkat ang paborito kong guro noong hayskul. Sa kanyang talumpati, nabanggit niya na, "You will not always get what you want. But you will always get what you deserve". At hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko noon ay ako ang kanyang pinariringgan. Basta, napuno ako ng guilt at kaunting hiya, dahil kung susuriin ko, hindi ko man lang naisip kung ako nga ba'y karapat-dapat; basta't alam ko kung ano ang gusto ko. Pakiramdam ko noon ay ang tanga-tanga ko na hindi ko naisip iyon ni minsan. Hindi pa nga sapat. Para niya akong sinampal upang mapukaw sa isang tapat at nakakahiyang realidad.

Kagabi ko lang natutunan kung ano ang sapat, at kung hanggang saan ang abot ng aking mga kapabilidad na ibigay ang hinihingi sa akin, at kung kailan ito nagiging mahusay. Noon lamang nang ako'y muling tinawag sa entablado upang tanggapin ang Knight na naisip ko na ang lahat ng desisyon, tiyaga, mga gabing walang tulog (pito lahat), pag-aalala at kung anu-ano pa ay bumubuo na sa aking harapan, tila uminog sa sandaling iyon. At napansin ko rin ang linya na humihiwalay sa kung ano ang gusto ko at kung ano ang deserved ko. Isa siyang maganda at pinong linya, at masaya akong naroon iyon. Everything pays off. Everything paid off.



Nagmistulang props nalang din ang mga Knights. Puros pikturan nalang nang lumalim ang gabi.

Nakatanggap itong si Alain ng Knight for Community Service! Naks. Lahat ng pinapaguran ng batang ito ay waging-wagi!

Masasabi kong kamukha ni Kevin si Fandango, na isa rin sa mga rason kung bakit nagpakuha ako ng litrato kasama niya! Astig - kahit basketball player 'to, wrestling superstar and kamukha. Ha ha! Gusto ko nang makitang lumaban si Faaahhhn-daaaahhhng-goooohh

Ang nagmistulang bride and groom!

Malakas na tawanan kasama sina Eunice at Krystel. Sobrang enjoy kasama ang mga ka-block ko noon sa Comm1A. At dahil sabay-sabay naming nilisan ang silid upang mag-"class picture" sa lobby, napagalitan pa kami ng usher!

PERO SOBRANG SAYA. Hindi ko na ma-emphasize pa, basta't ganoon ang mood buong gabi hanggang mag-umaga.

.........

Bago ko lisanin ang isang gabing tayuang ito, gusto kong mag-iwan ng isang "motivational quote", kung matatawag niyo siyang ganun. Galing pa ito sa napakagaling na si Rancho (mula sa paborito kong pelikulang 3 Idiots):

Pursue excellence, and success will follow, pants down.

Tamang-tama.

It was a good night.

Ewan ko ba. Bangag ang nagsulat nito.

In 2012, I...

I am having a post-2012 depression. And it isn't even after 2012 yet. It is just such a good year that lately, I've been feeling a sense of irritation for every time I see "Goodbye 2012" sentiments in the media. Welp. I can't control time.

So, here's an homage to the year that got me through high school and into the jaws of college, destined me to meet three of the people I venerate, suckled my mind with the fruits of tough life in rough, unfamiliar cities, led me to a dozen first tries, and secured me a whopping amount of money in my bank account.

In 2012, I...

... was married to my own twin sister, which prompted us to further deepen our bisexual incest relationship.

... graduated from the high school! BEST thing that happened in high school!

... went to college.

... went to an actual concert. Dragged into the entire affair by my sister's long-term infatuation with William Beckett's music.

... embraced the idea of taking dormitories. Creys to Bouncing Souls' singing of Night Train and Big Eyes to soothe my bleeding heart.

... got stranded in Manila during the monsoon. And survived.

... went to see Rey Mysterio in Trinoma. I ended up going home with tears in my eyes. And they were definitely not of joy.

... received an invitation that kept me smiling for months.

... rode aboard a vessel ship on a school day, and ended up being so fucking sentimental seeing the ocean during the night.

.... went to see more art exhibits in a year than I had in my entire existence.



... actually had a conversation with these o-sam people!

... gallivanted Manila for five months, without attempting to skip the dire and desperate days. Heck, I even did it clad in Filipiniana once.

--------------------------

If this entire blog is not enough for me to extol my indebtedness to the crazy love affair I begun with the year 2012, then I wish I could say something profound. But then, it would take me until the next year to figure out the right words to key in. This I know: 2012, for me, is an unraveling of the harshness of human nature, a reality check on the acrid dregs that constitute our existence. It bluntly grabbed me by the collar to expose this part of the world. But then it also permitted me to race against borrowed time so I could get through the things, good and bad, that I had always willed myself to conquer. Then, in its revolution, I conceptualized ideas that I never before had witnessed in the confines of my thoughts. I am slowly being molded to be critical, might I say, appreciative. And of what or for what - that is something that I would like to discover in the succeeding year.

That is all.

Happy New Year.